


What You Deserve

by sweeterthankarma



Category: Sense8 (TV)
Genre: Cluster Feels, F/M, Found Family, Gen, Heavy Angst, Near Death Experiences, life reflection, post 2x11
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-22
Updated: 2018-01-22
Packaged: 2019-03-08 01:10:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13447335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweeterthankarma/pseuds/sweeterthankarma
Summary: Wolfgang thinks he’s going to die. He’s pretty sure of it.He doesn’t think the rest of the cluster is coming to save him. Doesn’t think they should, doesn’t think they can. He knows if it was any of the others he would be packing his bags and booking whatever flight was needed to protect them, to fight for them, to be their source of relief just as they have all been for him. They’re his family, after all. But he hopes they aren’t, for their own sake. He doesn’t think there’s a way out this time, any chance of salvation, and he’s trying, and admittedly failing, to come to terms with that grim, bitter truth.





	What You Deserve

Wolfgang thinks he’s going to die. He’s pretty sure of it.

He doesn’t think the rest of the cluster is coming to save him. Doesn’t think they should, doesn’t think they can. He knows if it was any of the others he would be packing his bags and booking whatever flight was needed to protect them, to fight for them, to be their source of relief just as they have all been for him. They’re his family, after all. But he hopes they aren’t, for their own sake. He doesn’t think there’s a way out this time, any chance of salvation, and he’s trying, and admittedly failing, to come to terms with that grim, bitter truth. 

He can be quiet- he’s always been a man who believed actions spoke louder than words- and reserved- life has been too hard on him too many times, and it’s safer that way. He doesn’t get emotional often. Hell, he pissed on his own father’s grave after he died and didn’t feel the slightest of sympathy as he zipped his pants and walked away. 

He’d like to blame it on Kala, to say that she taught him how to love, but the truth is that six other people were apart of it. It’s easiest for him to fixate on her, to put hope in her because he hasn’t had much hope lately anyways and there is  _ so much  _ bubbling deep inside of her, always ready and willing to be shared. 

Wolfgang has always tried not to need people. Family was hard, adolescence was hard, adulthood was harder with even more baggage growing every day. Felix was there for him, but Felix was...Felix. He would never understand him the way he needed, and not because he wasn’t a sensate, but because he just wasn’t like him in a lot of the same ways. He thinks back to the night they cracked Steiner’s safe, focused anxiously on the singing competition broadcasted on the flatscreen. Felix didn’t believe in the woman singing, knew she wouldn’t win because she wasn’t conventionally attractive. His whole life, Wolfgang had fit into that woman’s mold of not being good enough, of being second best or maybe not even considered at all. As much as Felix understood him, his silence and intricacies and issues, he didn’t. He was helpful in other ways, necessary and good, and Wolfgang loved him, was so thankful he didn’t lose him after the shootout. 

Kala, on the other hand, knew how to appreciate art, especially the kind that traditionally would be neglected. He knows her open mind, kind heart, and genuine interest in the world are all factors that made him so drawn to her, made their bond inexplicably important to both of them. He’d never met anyone like her, so full and bright and pure, and he was lucky enough to be connected to her, to love her, to be loved back. She was the person he’d spent too long needing and pretending he didn’t need, pride and lone wolf mentality getting the best of him for what has to be the millionth time, fucking up yet another chance. He thinks of their future, of what he hoped and wanted for them but knew deep down was too good to be true, and wishes he could say sorry. Wishes he had kissed her sooner, realized what he had in front of him and fought for her the way he tries to fight for her now. 

_ Kala. _ He doesn’t think he’ll ever get to experience their connection again, the sweet warmth of her presence, her thoughts in his mind, her touch guiding his own fingers. He imagines what she’s doing now, as he lays frail and shaking and burning everywhere, skin aflame and not in the good kind, the way he likes to be when he’s illuminated by her touch. Kala, Kala, Kala. She’s what he’ll miss most, without a doubt. 

He decides it’s too much to pretend he’ll ever see her again in his mind, let alone in real life. He doesn’t know how long he can handle this. The pain he feels is beyond anything he’s ever known, but it’s still magnified by seven, and he aches along with his cluster even though he tries to keep to himself, tries to spare them. But his strength is low, staggering, and he knows they feel it.

He thinks of them when Whispers isn’t around, not visiting or connecting or even letting them know where he is because it’s over, he knows it’s over and he doesn’t want them to see him like this. He knows in time Whispers will get them all- he doesn’t want to even think about it but it’s so hopeless, he’s dying and so they’re all dying and one by one, it’ll be easier to go down the line and wipe them out. 

But that thought is too much to bear, so he remembers them, thinks happy thoughts instead, reliving unordinary memories the way ordinary humans do. He misses and yearns and loves, because he’s spent too much time with hate and he’d much rather spend his last minutes, hours, days, whatever it may be, thinking of those he loves, and those who love him. 

Nomi, the one who he knows is probably on her way to save him if she found out where he was through her unmatched hacking skills, is the one he wishes he could scream at. He wants them to stay away, wants them to protect themselves and make a plan. He knows they’re loyal, especially Nomi because she too, has barely had a family. She’s made her own circle of people to trust, breaking away from those who do her wrong, and he’s proud of her because he knows it hurts, knows it’s scary and hard and soul-wrenching sometimes- okay, most times. She powers on, living and loving and being herself and it’s a beautiful sight to see. He wishes he could see it for years and years to come. 

Lito is the one he wishes he could say almost the same thing to, not because he and Nomi are even that similar, but because they should be. Wolfgang knows it’s hard to be who you are, especially in a world that doesn’t support you and makes a mockery of you for their own gain, but he knows in time, staying true will be the only option. It will also be the only option, because it guarantees a life of happiness. Wolfgang remembers the love he felt in his chest for Hernando, so warm it seeped through Lito’s heart and into his own, and he hopes he never loses that, never trades it for anything, not even all the money in the world.

The same goes for Capheus, because he’s seen so much damage and terror and lived with so much fear, but rarely broke a smile. On his worst days, Capheus could make Wolfgang smile, could make him feel that same yearning for life, the same desire to learn and see the world and  _ be good.  _ It’s been too long since Wolfgang has felt that passion, and the first time he felt it, straight from Capheus as he laughed with Jela as he drove the Van Damn, it brought tears to his eyes because nothing was pure in Berlin anymore, but with Capheus’ eyes, everything was. He wants to tell him to never lose that spark, to keep trying to change the world because no matter what happens, the world will always thrive on goodness. He wishes he’d known that himself, back when he had the chance to live.

He wants Sun to know that things change. It seems like they never do, but he’s living proof. He may not have had a “life in prison” sentence looming over his head, but far too many times in his life, he was sure he was stuck in a dead end and would never be able to get himself back up on his feet and turn around. He imagines if he was in Sun’s position, once he broke out of prison he may have hidden away, as far as he could go, and lived a half-life in safety rather than one of meaning and bravery. He knows how to fight, just like she does, but he knows it gets tiring. He wants her to know she deserves rest and peace and solidarity, beyond just the cluster, and in time, if life works out, she will get it.

He thinks of Riley’s past, of her trauma and loss and fear, and his heart aches because he knows what she’s endured, he can feel it. He knows she’s happy and in love and clean and better than she’s ever been, but he knows you never get over things like that. He hopes she keeps making music, keeps finding joy in that because he always loved to hear her mix, always found peace in her slight hum as she walked down the street because it was similar to his own when he was a child and believed in himself. He hopes she believes in herself, now and as long as she’s alive, because she has so much to believe in.

He hopes Will loves her because she deserves it, but he doesn't have to worry because he knows he will. He knows Riley will do the same, keep him sane on the nights that grief takes hold and doesn’t let go. They both have experienced the death of their fathers, but they both mourn only Will’s. Wolfgang wishes he could trade the pain, could give Will peace of mind and relieve the gaping hole in his chest from the remorse of not being there. If he could, he would; he’s already suffering enough, and compared to the physical pain, as brutal as it is, the emotional baggage is more intense. He would take more if he could, for Will, for all of them. He knows Will wouldn’t want that, though. His selflessness, his commitment and fierce support is something that has always kept them all together. Wolfgang hopes he can do that even after he’s gone.

He thinks of Kala, one last time, and knows that he could lay here forever and not say everything he wanted to say, needed to say. For her, words do not suffice. For her, his love is so deep it scares him, makes him want to stay alive more than anything has ever made him want anything. He hopes she knows he loves her; he knows she does. He hopes she finds happiness, not in Rajan because it was never meant to be with him, but with someone else who can make her heart beat just as quickly as he knows he can make it. She deserves sunshine on her birthday, love on her worst days, and everything she’s ever wanted. They all do.

If he gets out of here alive, he plans to tell them all of this in person.

**Author's Note:**

> The idea of Wolfgang suffering, unknowing of whether his cluster is coming to save him, and reflecting on his life, his mistakes, and his love for his found family came to mind the other day and was so beautiful yet so painful that I just had to write it immediately. This is one of my favorite pieces I've done in a while and I'd love to hear feedback!  
> Also, fingers crossed because Netflix removed the "episode finale coming soon" label off Sense8- maybe they're reconsidering giving us an entire season three?!  
> You can find me on Tumblr under the same username, where I'm always crying over this show and also taking requests for future fics!


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